The Chicken or the Egg

Sometimes there’s a lot of finger pointing that can go around when it comes to Chronic Illness. Well, especially when it comes to my case.  I have a number of conditions.  There are some that I was born with and with that there is No question how that was a definitive  “no brainier”..but then again on my case not exactly.  What is supposed to be a “Genetic and Inherited condition, I mutated!  A gene mutation in utero. That should have been a high tell sign right off the bat my life was in for one hell of a ride…. and boy has it been!  I mutated the 17th chromosome also known as NF1 Neurofibromatosis.  My mom nearly lost me three months into her pregnancy when she started bleeding after struggling and trying to get pregnant for (7) seven years, and at birth after 35 hrs of distressed labor and me going into fetal distress I was delivered by emergency C-section only to be discovered to have severe pneumonia and sepsis caught just before it manifested into spinal meningitis.

At (4) four I decided to become a gymnast and was discovered by (6) six that I had real talent. Yet by(7) seven then pressures to be perfect, thin and were setting in and so were the ideas to starve and take diet pills.  My drive to succeed and be the best were already ingrained into my head at this young impressionable age.

Now here’s where I’m going to start the chicken or the egg question…..

Yes, I started my anorexia at (7) years old and it’s a disease from which I spent the next 35 years battling but I also had horrible stomach aches and nausea that stemmed back to that age too.

Also, my mom always tells me I’ve always had extremely irregular body temperature abnormalities.  We did grow up in Southern California for 12 years, but from my earliest memories, I have never had a “normal” internal thermostat.  She used to have to battle me to put on sweaters or coats because I was always “hot” even when everyone else was cold or it was technically cold.  I’ve always had a low blood pressure, dizzy spells, migraines since I was (2) two years old.

As I got older I would have further health issues and people called me a hypochondriac, freak,frequent flyer, lazy, quitter, bum, etc.

Yes, my anorexia did and has wreaked havoc in my life, I will not deny that and I will not deny that it has most likely exacerbated my current Gastroparesis conditions by a lot.

But what steams me is the fact that I have been legitimately diagnosed with, Gastroparesis, GERD, gastritis, Mastocystic colitis, MCAS, Dysautonomia, POTS, Addison’ s Disease Degenerative Disk Disease, Osteoporosis, Osteoarthritis, a slew of herniated, bulging and torn disks and and several other related conditions.  Many of these conditions are often connected or can be found connected as I have found out in my own particular case.

I am not a proponent of Dr Google but I do a stay in contact with others who struggle with conditions like mine and have found than similiar to myself many of us come with numerous diagnoses and that often one can lead to another or be connected to another or develop from another condition.  Sometimes if not often it’s taken numerous appointments if not Dr’s , tests and the whole nine yards to finalize actual results.  And in the same breath I can say barely results because it only comes with a name not a cure.

It’s always a day to day fight to how am I going to feel?  Am I gong to be able to get out of bed today? Am I going to be able to get out of bed today? Am I going to be able to tolerate anything by mouth and not puke? Am I going to pass out today?

But my resolve is always strong and I always answer back in my head… I don’t care… I’m a WARRIOR…I’m going to fight back and I’m going to persevere!

So despite all these challanges, and who wants to point the finger, anyone in my did this to yourself or any Dr who says the same,or the fact that I’ve had health issues since I was in utero it doesn’t matter to me.  What came first the Chicken or the Egg doesn’t matter either.  That’s a question people have been asking for thousands of years.  I don’t think we’ll ever have an answer to that question. And in all honesty it doesn’t matter to me.

All I know is I fight every day to survive and survive is what I intend on doing.